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(Ed)
From Hollywood
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00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:14,013
it's "The Tonight Show,"
starring Johnny Carson!
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Johnny's guest host
tonight is ALF.
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Join ALF and his guests,
His Holiness Pope John Paul II
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Dr. Joyce Brothers
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and Joan Embery
of the San Diego Zoo.
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00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,225
This is Ed McMahon
along with Tommy Newsom
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00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:27,526
and the NBC Orchestra.
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And now, he-e-e-ere's Alfie!
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[audience cheering]
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[instrumental music]
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Thank you. Thank you.
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For those of you
who don't know me, I'm ALF.
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The answer
to the burning question
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who's the only NBC star
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with more hair
than Michael Landon.
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Well, it's great
to be here in Burbank.
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It's just like being back
on my home planet Melmac..
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...after it blew up.
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Yo, Ed.
Nice to see ya.
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Oh, welcome to
"The Tonight Show", ALF.
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Ed was missing last week.
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So the cops put his picture
on a six-pack of Budweiser.
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Ha! Ha! Ah!
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Oh! Also with us tonight
is Mr. Tommy Newsom.
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Hi, ALF.
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After the show tonight,
Tommy and I
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are gonna go out
and paint the town beige.
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I got a brush right here.
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Good one, Tom!
You hang on to that.
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Tommy's not dull. He was just
weaned on Novocain.
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Well, I'm glad
all of you can get in
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00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:05,657
'cause it sure was hot
out there today.
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(all)
How hot was it?
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What am I, a thermometer?
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Hey, we have a fabulous show
for you tonight.
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We've got Joan Embery,
Joyce Brothers and a Pope.
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So stay tuned,
we'll be right back.
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[instrumental music]
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[theme music]
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[music continues]
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[instrumental music]
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[audience applauding]
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Uh, A-ALF?
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You interrupted my drum solo.
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Oh, we're back!
Huh! Hi.
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Uh, I guess it must be time
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for our spontaneous, unrehearsed
banter. You start.
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Well, gee. I-I-I don't know
where to start.
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Alright, alright, I'll start.
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Great to be here, Ed,
you know, I haven't seen you
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since I opened my mail
this morning.
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- Ah! Ha! Ha!
- Oh-ho..
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You got one of my sweepstakes
announcements, did you?
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Yeah. How many jobs
do you have, anyway?
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Well, well a lot.
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Oh. Well, you know,
I really enjoy you on that show
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00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:28,834
where they have all those
mistakes and foul-ups.
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Oh, you mean "Bloopers
and Practical Jokes."
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No. "Star Search."
Ah! Ah! Ah!
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Well, your show
is certainly a hit, ALF.
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What show is that, Ed?
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Well, "ALF," right here on NBC,
8 o'clock on Monday nights.
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Oh, that show. Thanks.
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I understand
you brought some clips.
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Would you like
to set them up?
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I'd love to.
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See, in my show,
I play an alien life form.
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It's a real stretch for me.
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Watch the monitors.
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[imitates dog whining]
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[snoring]
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[imitates dog whining]
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ALF.
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Why did you do that?
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Well, I could have
licked your hand.
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But I didn't think
either of us would enjoy that.
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What a strange family.
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[ALF coughs]
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Now what do you want?
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Nothing.
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I was just doing
the Heimlich maneuver on myself.
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[coughing]
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By the way
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don't bother looking
for your laxative on a rope.
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Oh, you mean
my soap on a rope.
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Trust me on this one.
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Great. That's "ALF,"
Monday nights at 8 o'clock.
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- Good clips, huh?
- Well, they look pretty funny.
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Pretty funny?
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00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:12,037
If I were Johnny, you'd be doing
that "Ho! Ho! Ho!" thing.
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Well, I'm sorry, ALF.
Ho! Ho! Ho!
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Don't patronize me.
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Well, now I guess we know
all about your rise to stardom.
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Every possible thing we could
want to know about ALF
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you have now told us.
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You are wrong, compensated
spokesman-breath.
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You mean...there's more?
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Yes. In my quest for stardom
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I was screen-tested for roles
too numerous to mention.
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Okay, I'll mention them.
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For example
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I did not get the role
of Obi-Wan Kenobi
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in the movie "Star Wars."
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I did not get the lead
in the "FDR Story."
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'But I did get called back
twice for the role of Eleanor.'
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And I lost out
to McGruff the Crime Dog
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'for the lead
in "Sam Spade Gets Spayed."'
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Those screen tests
look suspiciously like
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episodes of your show, ALF.
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My cup looks
suspiciously empty, Ed.
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Okay, I'll, I'll get
you a refill.
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Thank you, and while you're
gone, I'll show some clips
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of just how versatile
a performer I am.
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You folks,
watch the monitors.
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- What about the Pope?
- He can watch, too.
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Roll the tape.
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¶ Stop in the name of love ¶
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¶ Before you break my heart ¶
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¶ Stop in the name of love ¶
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¶ Before you break my heart ¶
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¶ Think it over ¶¶
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Oh, hi. Oh, a housewarming gift,
how nice.
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Call number 464.
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Fourteen minutes
to Bristol, Connecticut.
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'Call number..'
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Hit the music, will you?
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I'm gonna watch
"Dance Fever."
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[pop music on music player]
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Yeah, go feverettes!
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ALF, I thought we agreed
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that you'd stop
impersonating me on the phone.
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We agreed I would stop
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impersonating the cast
of "Green Acres."
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[imitates Mr. Haney]
Although,
Mr. Haney could have sold Brian
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some revivifying potion
out of the back of his truck.
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I'm sorry it took so long..
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ALF? ALF?
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AL..
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I'm not ALF.
I am Melmac the magnificent.
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Oh, no.
That's Johnny's turban.
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Nobody wears Johnny's turban.
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Look again,
banana number two.
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I hold in my hands
these envelopes.
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And without ever having
seen the questions
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I, in my mystical
and borderline tasteful way
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will divine the answers.
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Where are the answers?
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They're in the desk, but
Johnny's supposed to do those
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tomorrow night.
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So, who's stopping him?
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[sighs]
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- "Red square."
- ALF, look, uh..
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Red square.
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"What do you call that blotch
on Gorbachev's head?"
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- Red square.
- Red square.
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- "Junk bonds."
- Junk bonds.
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"What do you call
the last three 007 movies?"
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Junk bonds.
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- "Palomino."
- Palomino.
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- Palomino.
- Palomino.
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"What did Trigger
sue Roy Rogers for?"
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I should go back to my old job
pulling porch splinters
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out of Bartles and Jaymes.
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- "St. Elsewhere."
- St. Elsewhere.
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"What's the message
on Mother Teresa's
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answering machine?"
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St. Elsewhere.
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"Rich, little."
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Rich, little.
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- Rich, Little.
- 'Rich, Little.'
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00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:21,713
"Describe Dudley Moore
in two words."
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Rich, little.
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"Cat on a hot tin roof."
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Cat on a hot tin roof.
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- 'Cat on a hot tin roof.'
- On a hot tin roof.
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00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:46,004
"Name a TV dinner on Melmac."
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Ha! Ha!
Wrote that one myself!
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I hold in my hand
the last envelope.
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May an alien
from a distant planet
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invade your living room
every Monday night
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00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:03,855
at 8:00, 7:00 Central.
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00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:10,595
"Goodyear, Bonzo, and Bush."
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- Goodyear, Bonzo, and Bush.
- 'And Bush.'
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"Name a blimp,
a chimp, and a wimp."
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[audience applauding]
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00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,846
Oh, hey, Ed
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00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:30,014
here, I had to take
a few tucks in this turban.
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00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:32,584
You might wanna have it
fixed before Johnny gets back.
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00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:33,752
Oh, boy.
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00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:37,355
There's more to come,
so stay tuned.
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- Think you can fix it?
- I don't know.
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[instrumental music]
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00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:47,499
[instrumental music]
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Oh, I don't know, ALF.
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00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:57,475
You don't really explain
how you do it
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00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,711
you just do it,
it's like breathing.
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00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:01,579
Oh, come on! Teach me.
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00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:04,048
Well, it only works
if it's spontaneous.
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00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:05,750
Just do a little one.
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00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:08,453
Hi-oh.
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00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:11,689
Well, let me get this right
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00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:14,826
is the accent
on the "Hi" or the "Oh?"
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00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:17,695
- ALF.
- Hi-oh!
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00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:20,331
You really should
bring out our first guest.
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00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:24,435
Boy, Ed. You're a real slave
to tradition.
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00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,738
We are honored that
our first guest
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00:13:26,740 --> 00:13:28,373
has chosen this show
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00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:31,709
on which to make a rare
television appearance.
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00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:34,679
The spiritual leader
of millions worldwide.
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00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:38,049
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome
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00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:40,718
Dr. Joyce Brothers.
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00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:44,856
ALF! You should bring
out the Pope first.
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00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:46,858
Who's hosting here, Ed?
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00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,361
I'm waiting.
216
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,363
You are, ALF.
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00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:55,266
Dr. Joyce, haul it out here!
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00:14:02,576 --> 00:14:05,343
Hello, ALF,
it's very nice to meet you.
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00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,213
What happened to your accent?
220
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:09,647
What accent?
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00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:12,951
Who are you?
222
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:15,520
I'm Dr. Joyce Brothers.
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00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:18,356
Oh, no!
224
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:22,126
I got you mixed up
with Dr. Ruth.
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00:14:22,128 --> 00:14:24,596
Huh! I'm sure
it happens all the time.
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00:14:24,598 --> 00:14:27,532
- It's never happened before.
- Oh.
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00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,267
What kind of doctor are you?
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00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:31,169
I'm a psychologist,
I'm an expert
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00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:33,738
in interpersonal
human relationships.
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00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:37,275
Oh. Well, did you bring any
clips to show us?
231
00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:39,911
I'm a psychologist.
I don't have any clips.
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00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:43,081
Well, you're in luck.
I brought a few extra.
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00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:44,782
Watch the monitor.
234
00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:49,621
Well, the week is over,
as far as I'm concerned.
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00:14:49,623 --> 00:14:51,689
I'm gonna have
a plain old orange.
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00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:06,938
Willie, I don't think that
I can make it till sundown.
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00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:09,841
Why don't we go away
for the day?
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00:15:09,843 --> 00:15:12,543
- Good idea.
- Oh, come on, that's silly.
239
00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:14,812
Now, why don't we just
tell ALF that he's won?
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00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:17,482
Well, I'm for that.
You've won.
241
00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:19,984
- Won, ma'am?
- The bet is off.
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00:15:19,986 --> 00:15:22,720
You can turn in your-your whisk
broom and your phony accent
243
00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:25,957
and let out a big burp
and let's get on with it.
244
00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:27,425
[imitates beeper]
245
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,495
[ALF snoring]
246
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,730
[imitates beeper]
247
00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:34,432
ALF. ALF.
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00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,267
What? What? What?
249
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,735
What are you doing?
250
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:40,638
Well, I was sleeping
till you woke me up.
251
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:44,375
Well, since when do you
sleep standing up?
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00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:48,479
Since I started sleeping
with that box on my head.
253
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:50,882
You look ridiculous.
254
00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:53,584
Well, not everyone
sleeps like you
255
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:56,688
mouth open,
drooling on the pillow.
256
00:15:56,690 --> 00:15:58,423
[imitates Willie snoring]
257
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,126
Go on, go back to the couch.
258
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:04,262
It's too dangerous out there.
259
00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:06,264
I had to kill
a 50-foot water snake
260
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,766
with my pocket knife.
261
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:11,803
There, there are no
50-foot water snakes
262
00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:12,870
in the backyard.
263
00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:15,440
I'm telling you,
it was bright green
264
00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:17,075
and it spit water.
265
00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:18,609
[imitates spitting]
266
00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:22,914
That was my new garden hose.
267
00:16:22,916 --> 00:16:26,651
Oh. No wonder it was
sucking on the spigot.
268
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:32,323
Hey, Lynn!
269
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,092
You want to take over
for Willie?
270
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:35,560
Okay.
271
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,132
Your move.
272
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,567
Okay.
273
00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:48,039
[snickering]
274
00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:50,942
Checkmate.
275
00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:01,686
So, doc,
what did you think?
276
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,621
Well, judging
from those clips
277
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,256
I think you have
a little trouble
278
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:07,658
meshing with the family unit.
279
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:10,461
Oh, yeah?
So is your grandmother.
280
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:13,498
That's a rather
defensive attitude, ALF.
281
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:16,634
Are you afraid to face
a realistic assessment of your..
282
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:19,504
¶ I can't hear you
I'm not even listening ¶
283
00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:22,640
¶ I'm the guest host
you are just a guest ¶¶
284
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:24,242
Maybe I'd better come back
at another time.
285
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,110
- I'm sorry.
- Why?
286
00:17:26,112 --> 00:17:28,046
Do you feel threatened
when prevented
287
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:32,216
from espousing tenets
of your so-called profession?
288
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:35,686
Possibly revealing a lack
of maturity on your part.
289
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:38,056
So is your grandmother.
290
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:43,027
Way to go, ALF.
291
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:46,664
Joyce Brothers' been coming
on this show for 25 years
292
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:49,467
and that's the first time
she walked off.
293
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:50,735
Well, what did I do?
294
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:53,271
She's the one who forgot
to bring clips.
295
00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:55,106
Uh-oh. Here comes
the producer.
296
00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:58,543
(ALF)
Oh. Hi, Freddy.
297
00:17:58,545 --> 00:17:59,977
It's Fred De Cordova
298
00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:04,082
executive producer
of "The Tonight Show."
299
00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,550
ALF, uh..
300
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:09,554
Pope John Paul.
301
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:14,926
Fred, John Paul Jones.
302
00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:16,160
Your turn.
303
00:18:16,162 --> 00:18:17,328
Alright.
304
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:18,729
There is a logical sequence
305
00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:21,732
by which we bring out
guests on this show, uh..
306
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:24,235
World religious leaders
307
00:18:24,237 --> 00:18:27,939
doctors, uh, people from zoos.
308
00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:31,442
So what?
309
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,711
Well, if you'll read
your contract
310
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:38,182
if you don't do it our way,
you don't get paid.
311
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:40,184
[choking]
312
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:42,787
Ladies and gentlemen
313
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:46,257
His Holiness
Pope John Paul II.
314
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:49,260
[instrumental music]
315
00:18:53,399 --> 00:18:55,099
So, what's the deal?
316
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,136
His Holiness is
in the restroom.
317
00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:01,038
He drank a lot of coffee
waiting to come on.
318
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:04,742
So, now what are we gonna do?
319
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:08,112
Oh, I know, let's play
Stump the Band.
320
00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:11,282
You hold down the band,
I'll saw of their legs.
321
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:12,683
Oh, my.
322
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:17,622
You could bring out
another one of your guests.
323
00:19:17,624 --> 00:19:19,223
Alright, alright.
324
00:19:19,225 --> 00:19:21,826
Send out whoever
you got back there.
325
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:25,029
[instrumental music]
326
00:19:28,468 --> 00:19:30,735
Hi, Joan.
Welcome to the show.
327
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:33,804
Ladies and gentlemen
328
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:36,274
Joan Embery
of the San Diego Zoo.
329
00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:37,742
[audience applauding]
330
00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:42,079
Joan, Joan, you didn't have
to bring me a snack.
331
00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:46,250
This is Felis Catus,
a domestic house cat.
332
00:19:46,252 --> 00:19:47,685
My favorite!
333
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,922
Hey, that, now, that looks
like the cat from your show.
334
00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:54,392
Why, so it is.
335
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:55,860
You know, I had planned
on bringing
336
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,495
a reticulated python
337
00:19:57,497 --> 00:20:01,866
but somebody let him go
and put this cat in his cage.
338
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,901
It was probably the Pope.
339
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:07,738
He's been hanging around
backstage all night.
340
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:10,641
The Pope told me you did it.
341
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:14,011
Hey, who are you gonna believe,
me or the Pope?
342
00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:17,582
Did you bring any clips?
343
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:21,185
Clips?
No, I brought a snake.
344
00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:24,055
Well, I have a few clips
I think you might enjoy.
345
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:25,323
Roll 'em.
346
00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:31,195
6:13. One minute to go,
Luckmeister.
347
00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:35,333
Then I'll be down on you
like a buzzard on a gut wagon.
348
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:36,701
[bell dings]
349
00:20:36,703 --> 00:20:39,036
The Duck a l'Orange is ready.
350
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:42,607
Have some wine,
it'll slow down your reflexes.
351
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:48,212
Alright. Hold still, Lucky.
352
00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:50,615
I'll be off your back
in a minute.
353
00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:53,017
Hey!
354
00:20:56,222 --> 00:20:57,955
[grunts]
355
00:20:57,957 --> 00:21:01,959
The only good cat
is a stir-fried cat.
356
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:03,661
Did you ever hear
the expression
357
00:21:03,663 --> 00:21:06,030
curiosity killed the cat?
358
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:09,367
Yeah, it's usually followed
by the expression
359
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:11,802
"Pass the plum sauce."
360
00:21:13,539 --> 00:21:15,406
Hello, young man?
361
00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:16,974
Hello, old woman.
362
00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:20,945
Uh, we are terribly sorry
to bother you so late
363
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:23,481
but we-we couldn't
get out any earlier.
364
00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:26,784
Oh, well, I'm afraid that
I gave my last candy bar away
365
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:29,387
over an hour ago.
366
00:21:29,389 --> 00:21:31,489
Oh, shucks.
367
00:21:31,491 --> 00:21:34,392
Now, I'll see if I can find
something else.
368
00:21:34,394 --> 00:21:35,726
[cat purrs]
369
00:21:35,728 --> 00:21:37,528
Was that a cat?
370
00:21:37,530 --> 00:21:40,398
Oh, yes, I have lots of cats.
371
00:21:43,102 --> 00:21:45,069
Well, I'll take a yellow one.
372
00:21:48,441 --> 00:21:51,042
What is cat...juice?
373
00:21:51,044 --> 00:21:52,843
Well, it's just like
orange juice.
374
00:21:52,845 --> 00:21:54,845
But instead of squeezing
the juice out of an orange
375
00:21:54,847 --> 00:21:56,447
you squeeze the juice
out of a--
376
00:21:56,449 --> 00:21:59,116
- I-I don't want to hear it.
- Then cover your ears.
377
00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:01,652
- Cat.
- I heard it.
378
00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:02,820
You were warned.
379
00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:04,155
[hiccups]
380
00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:09,760
Too rough?
381
00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:12,596
- You're awful.
- Hey, Joan, relax.
382
00:22:12,598 --> 00:22:16,200
I haven't eaten a single cat
since I've been here.
383
00:22:16,202 --> 00:22:19,970
They've all been married!
Ha! Ha! Ha!
384
00:22:19,972 --> 00:22:21,305
Ah! Ah!
385
00:22:21,307 --> 00:22:24,108
I'm reporting you
to the ASPCA.
386
00:22:26,179 --> 00:22:29,714
Oh, just what I need,
union problems.
387
00:22:29,716 --> 00:22:31,515
Next time you have
a cat on the show
388
00:22:31,517 --> 00:22:34,251
make sure you bring
enough for everybody.
389
00:22:35,388 --> 00:22:38,255
Nice going, ALF.
You're two for two.
390
00:22:38,257 --> 00:22:41,292
Why don't you get the Pope
out here and try for a shut-out?
391
00:22:41,294 --> 00:22:44,462
Ha! Good one,
driver's Ed! Ha ha!
392
00:22:44,464 --> 00:22:45,930
[cup shattering]
393
00:22:45,932 --> 00:22:46,997
Ooh.
394
00:22:48,434 --> 00:22:50,835
You broke Johnny's cup.
395
00:22:51,704 --> 00:22:53,170
Hey, that's nothing.
396
00:22:53,172 --> 00:22:55,940
You should see what I did
to his dressing room.
397
00:22:55,942 --> 00:22:59,543
I've never seen
Johnny's dressing room.
398
00:22:59,545 --> 00:23:02,079
I-I mean, I-I'm not allowed.
399
00:23:04,951 --> 00:23:07,818
Oh, great. It's Fred
with a phone.
400
00:23:07,820 --> 00:23:10,454
Don't you have an office, man?
401
00:23:10,456 --> 00:23:12,490
There's a phone call for you.
402
00:23:12,492 --> 00:23:14,458
In case you haven't noticed
403
00:23:14,460 --> 00:23:17,495
I happen to be hosting
"The Tonight Show."
404
00:23:17,497 --> 00:23:19,764
Can't you take a message?
405
00:23:19,766 --> 00:23:21,632
It's Mr. Carson.
406
00:23:21,634 --> 00:23:23,334
[choking]
407
00:23:24,537 --> 00:23:26,237
Tell him I'm not here.
408
00:23:30,009 --> 00:23:32,076
We'll be right back
after these messages.
409
00:23:32,078 --> 00:23:35,279
[instrumental music]
410
00:23:42,388 --> 00:23:45,156
[instrumental music]
411
00:23:48,594 --> 00:23:52,463
So, Johnny, have you been
watching the show?
412
00:23:52,465 --> 00:23:54,064
Yeah? What do you think?
413
00:23:55,301 --> 00:23:58,436
Alright, alright, I'm sorry
I broke your cup.
414
00:23:58,438 --> 00:24:01,772
Have you been
enjoying the clips?
415
00:24:01,774 --> 00:24:03,040
Uh-huh.
416
00:24:04,076 --> 00:24:06,343
- Uh-huh.
- What'd he say?
417
00:24:07,747 --> 00:24:09,346
He said if I don't shape up
418
00:24:09,348 --> 00:24:11,882
he'll send over
a near-sighted veterinarian
419
00:24:11,884 --> 00:24:15,286
to make a few clips of his own.
420
00:24:15,288 --> 00:24:16,821
(ALF)
You'd probably like to see
421
00:24:16,823 --> 00:24:18,456
how I get out
of this mess, huh?
422
00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:22,359
No problem.
Watch the next "ALF."
423
00:24:22,361 --> 00:24:25,362
[theme music]
424
00:24:55,394 --> 00:24:58,395
[music continues]
425
00:25:19,018 --> 00:25:21,919
[ALF laughing]
426
00:25:23,489 --> 00:25:26,023
[instrumental music]